Let my Light Shine

(First baby steps to a huge dream)

Written in June 2014 and never published



Extrovert or introvert


Dozens of personality profiles, psychometric tests and analyses by “experts” have identified me as an extrovert: out there; loud; strong; bold; talkative; outgoing; adventurous; expressive; and social.

At the Awesomeness Fest (Afest) in Phuket Thailand that I attended from 12 -15 June 2014 I found myself on the side lines: observing; listening; quiet; introverted; and hiding behind my camera.


Was I merely overwhelmed and intimidated by the success of so many young, talented, attractive, intelligent, and truly beautiful people? Was I over sensitive because I was older, fatter, not fit and lacking in stamina to party into the early hours of the morning? Why is it that I never truly connected and held those deep meaningful conversations that all the Afesters keep referring to? Why is it that when I suggested activities I had no takers but when the same activities were suggested by others there was an overwhelming response of participation?


For the first time in my life I truly felt that I was not good enough!


So many brilliant and inspirational speakers freely shared their knowledge and ideas that at first it was not possible to process everything. And besides, I knew all this – I had heard all this before. In fact I have taught so much of this myself as a leadership and soft skills trainer and executive coach.

So why was I not applying this to my life?

Mainly because I had no clear intention and that I was blocked by limiting beliefs.




This, my first blog ever, is about the lessons I learned at Awesomeness Fest Thailand and how I plan to use this learning to achieve my dream (the outline of my dream is on my www.walkingwithoutskin.com “Beautifully Bold” page).

My promise to my accountability team (a group of four of us that were randomly connected at Afest to support each other) was that I would write my first blog by July 1st. So here it is…




1.     Self-awareness, self-development and self-improvement leading to transformation


A lot was spoken about stretching yourself and living outside of your comfort zone. I believe that living outside of my comfort zone IS my comfort zone. I take risks and live bold. So what is holding me back from this new phase of my life? What are the fears that I need to uncover and face?


I am always doing self-assessments to understand my strengths and challenges but what I have been missing in this arena has been the alternate practices of meditation, giving continuous gratitude and having “blisscipline”. According the Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com.  “Blissipline is the combination of Bliss and Discipline. The term is used in the context of being in the now (bliss) as you strive towards achieving your goals (which takes discipline)”.


Also to go back to what I have loved for so many years and have now relegated to “when I have the time” or “when the weather is cooler” or “when I get fitter or lose some weight”. To walk. My early morning walks along the beach to watch that magnificent sunrise every day. My hiking. The mountains of the South African Western Cape, the awe-inspiring trails in the Nepalese Himalayas. Scuba diving, exploring the beauty and serenity of another world.


I loved Khailee Ng’s explanation of work-life balance – If you have work-life balance you work less and you play less. Better to have work-life integration. Work at what you love and have a passion for, and you end up doubling on both work and play. My dream includes doing what I love doing best. And that is talking and presenting and telling stories that will help others achieve peace and happiness within themselves.


And not to forget the importance of continuous or life-long learning, so important of keeping attuned with the latest thinking and developments around the world so that I too can contribute to the growing knowledge and transformational movement.


2.     Fears and limiting beliefs


I am the maker of my own movie.

I am both the director and the actor.

I am both the audience and the projector.

It is within my power to move into my fear, acknowledge how it has limited me, and to let it go.

My previous setbacks have set me up for future success and the breakdowns in my plans are now breakthroughs. According to Lisa Nichols and my wise sister Lizz Huesmann I need to stop sabotaging myself.


I have so many limiting beliefs that are determining my current reality.

Is it true that I should have to work hard for my money and live a life with no joy as my parents did?

Did my lack of tertiary education really block me from being the success that I deserved?

Will my obesity really protect me from further pain, hurt and disappointment?

Can I manage without the regular income from a secure job? Where will I live? How will I live?


So, whilst I have a vision board created many years ago, I need to work on it and add more positive dreams to my magic box, add more notes to myself, set more action plans with more positive re-enforcements to manifest greatness into my life.


I must no longer use fear to motivate me or rely on determination to be successful. I must go forward with the joyous energy of blisscipline


3.     Kairos


According to Wikipedia: “Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment)”

Sam Cawthorn shared the following definition of Kairos with us: “A moment within a moment a particular moment where drastic change takes place”

My first Kairos took place on the night of 30 December 1995 when I was attacked, raped and left for dead. But I did not leverage this crisis, did not use this opportunity to my advantage and settled into a life of procrastination.

Now almost 19 years later I have created another crisis, a Kairos moment that is forcing me to create change. It is time for me to move on.


4.     Goals and intentions


A good goal should scare you a little and excite you a lot (Joe Vitale).

My goal is to start global talks, workshops and retreats on forgiveness. Especially forgiveness against crimes of sexuality and abuse against women.


It is important that I believe in my dream and am passionate in what I am doing. Whilst I have to look backwards as that is what my journey is all about, I must take the step forward and keep focusing on this new goal. I need to operate in the state of flow where I am happy doing what I am doing right now and have a greater vision for the future at the same time.


When asked to identify an even greater goal I was quick to share mine with the 260 strong audience – to stop the need for forgiveness altogether by stopping crime and abuse against women (should be more positively rephrased as to allow women to be free and safe at all times). The crowd applauded enthusiastically. But it was also explained that if our goal was too great, if we step too far from our comfort zone, we become uncomfortable and the goal may not be attainable. So my immediate goal stays the same and the longer term universal dream is to create a free and safe world.


My defined goal is a big goal, but a realistic one, and it will push my boundaries.

This, however, is my means goal and not my end goal.

My end goal is to be completely free (financially and physically) and to travel the world and tell and listen to stories that help others to grow.


In addition, we should have goals in all life areas. Another way to look at this is segment intending. Future blogs will highlight my intentions in these areas: My life vision; Health and Fitness; Intellectual life; Emotional life; Character; Love relationships; Spiritual life; Family life; Social life; Financial life; Career; Quality of life.




Besides the obvious things of putting a plan together on how I am going to go about achieving my dream goal I need to hack into some new concepts and ideas.

Hack was a word frequently used throughout Afest and a Google search of the definition was both confusing and enlightening. My definition of hack is to achieve success by creating an appropriate yet creative and ingenious solution to a limitation.

I need to start the hacking process in the following areas:

·       Transform myself by becoming fit and healthy

·       Get closer to my universal energy by meditating

·       Demonstrate gratitude

·       Get myself unstuck by releasing all limiting ideas, beliefs and realities that do not serve me anymore

·       Redirect my energy and open myself to accepting the new ideas, paradigms and realities that will serve me to achieve my purpose and to serve my highest good

·       Start taking the baby steps towards my goal and turn discipline into blisscipline



Let my light shine!




Experience True Joy and Freedom

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