Do you want to eradicate bullying, harassment, sexual, domestic, and gender-based violence?

 Be BRAVE Group Masterclass

Join the eight-session (one two-hour session per week) live online group coaching programme where we tackle B.R.A.V.E.

Ideal for parents, teachers, employers, men, boys, women, and girls – anybody interested in stopping bullying, harassment, and gender-based violence.

You will walk away with a blueprint on how to be BRAVE or help others to be BRAVE

B – Boundaries / (not a) Bystander / Balance

R – Respect / Responsibility / Role-mode;

A – Agreement / Alert / Authenticity

V – Values / Vulnerability / Voice

E – Empowerment / Equality / Empathy

Programme Outline

• Introduction to BRAVE. Why should we be BRAVE?
• The qualities of a good  man versus a real man. Masculinity versus toxic masculinity
• Understanding Boundaries
• Learning Respect
• What is Consent and Agreement. Why we should ASK
• What are your Values. How to recognise Values in others
• Being Vulnerable. Emotional intelligence and being emotionally honest. Learning and demonstrating Empathy. Managing Equality.
• Empowerment – how to empower yourself and others

Courses start on the first Monday of every second month (or by special arrangement for groups).

Contact me to sign up. Lois@walkingwithoutskin.com

We need to change the way we think and talk

Not all abusers or rapists are strangers. Around 90% of all acts of sexual violence are carried out my someone the victim knows, a family member, neighbour, colleague, or an intimate partner. And ‘date rape’, where a partner has not given consent, is usually not reported as the victim often feels guilty, embarrassed, or judged.

Girls and women don’t want to be told that they can’t drink alcohol or wear a short skirt or revealing top or stay out late at night or walk home in the dark. They don’t want anyone telling them anything about how they should behave, what they should and shouldn’t do. That they should know how to defend themselves and how to prevent violence against themselves.

It is not their responsibility to not be raped.

Having sex with someone who is unwilling, who has not given consent, who is drunk, unconscious, or drugged, is rape.

In most cultures boys and men know that it is wrong to abuse and rape. Just as they know that it is wrong to steal and murder.

And most men never abuse or rape!

Most men are moralistic, decent, upright, caring, empathetic, and understanding.

Unfortunately, there is such a large percentage of men who do rape, or who do condone Gender Based Violence (GBV). Those who have sexist attitudes and behaviours. And there are women too who have these toxic attitudes and behaviours.

So many men and women, boys and girls, who are not BRAVE !

Men (and women) rape or conduct GBV because they have toxicity and are not BRAVE !

BRAVE boys and men and girls and women have and understand the following qualities:

Let us teach men to be BRAVE!

(NB: – When I refer to girls and women who can be raped, please also know that this can apply to boys and men as well)

My wish is that everyone is brave.

BRAVE!

BRAVE men do not need to be taught not to rape.

Certain segments of a population are highlighted as being more likely to commit rape. People from certain backgrounds and races. The poor, the uneducated, the drug addicts. Many believe that rapists come from a violent environment, a flawed upbringing, people with a harmful psychological state and negative attitudes towards sex.

India and South Africa are both said to be the rape capitals of the world, that there exists a rape culture in these, and other, countries. And this “culture” is blamed for the high incidences of rape

This is nonsense.

• Men rape because they don’t care
• Men rape because they can get away with it
• Men rape to impress their friends
• Men rape to take revenge on a woman who has rejected him
• Men rape because of a conscious decision to do so
• Men rape to have control and power over women. To dominate them
• Men sometimes rape when lust and passion cannot be controlled

Men rape – just as they steal or murder.

Men rape because they are not BRAVE !

There is no such thing as a typical rapist. Doctors, lawyers, movie moguls, athletes, and yes, the poor, the uneducated, the drug addicts. People (yes women too) who commit rape come from every sector of the population regardless of economic, ethnic, racial, age, or social group.

If we pigeonhole men into categories it removes the personal responsibility of the rapist’s actions. “Well, what did you expect, he is drug addict from the bad side of town”

I do not understand why this is such a complex and complicated issue.

It is simple. Men should not rape.

Can we teach men not to rape? Not to steal? Not to murder? Men know that these are crimes. So, can we train or teach men not to rape? Doing this implies that all men are potential rapists whereas most men do know that it is wrong.

Should we teach them not to rape?

Or should we just teach them to be BRAVE ?

We lock our doors to prevent robberies and murders.

Girls and women have been taught since childhood how not to get raped.

This strategy obviously does not work. If it did, we would have eradicated sexual violence by now.