by Lois Wagner | Dec 29, 2020 | Information
Yes, I know it should be 20/20 hindsight, but I am using the metric system. So, to be accurate it should be 6,096/6,096. (Did you know that the number 20 refers to the number of feet from the eye chart?)
Reflecting on my aspirations and goals for 2020 I have been both successful and unsuccessful.
My Dream is to eradicate sexual and gender-based violence.
My Aspiration is to be the light and catalyst that ignites change.
My Goal is to speak on word stages, to share my story and insights, and to coach and support victims.
And to launch my book.
My Intention is to focus on developing my branding and platforms.
My Action is to gain visibility via social media and other vehicles.
(See the definitions and differentiation between the above terms in a table at the end).
20/20 or 6/6 measures visual acuity.
So how clear and sharp was my vision at the beginning of this year?
It is so important to have the vision, the big audacious dreams, and aspirations, and then to create meaningful SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, Timebound) as stepping stones to achieve the big dream.
Evaluating my Personal Vision and 2020 Achievements
With 6/6 hindsight I can now see what was not obvious then and I can evaluate all my choices and actions with clarity.
The vision board I created this time last year was of me speaking on a world stage.
Well – I achieved that.
I have spoken on 22 local and 35 international “stages” this year.
The goal was not SMART. It was not SPECIFIC – it should have stated – speaking in-person on world stages and should have specified where in the world. Nothing MEASURABLE here, nothing about the number of countries or talks or number of people reached. There was no TIMING and in hindsight, it was not ACTIONABLE due to Covid.
The vision board also included a published book.
I achieved that with my book Walking without Skin: A Journey of Healing – from Fear to Forgiveness to Freedom.
I also collaborated in two other books – Voices of the 21st Century: Powerful, Passionate Women Who Make a Difference and One Hundred Words of Motivation.
Plus, I had two articles in a magazine – Roar.
I created an EBook– Ignite your Mojo and an EGuide – Forgiveness Checklist
What I missed here with my SMART goals was nothing MEASURABLE, nothing about quantities sold or reviews received.
My marketing strategy, my actions, were about social media presence and visibility.
These goals met most of the SMART criteria. And these goals were partly met.
I created a five-day virtual summit – Rape and Resilience, Triumph over Trauma with 43 international speakers.
I ran 43 Thrive in Three – A Brief Conversation about Thriving in Life and in Business interviews with guests giving a tip in three minutes on how to thrive.
In total, I created well over 100 videos.
What was missing – subscribers and viewers on my YouTube channel, even though I did set these as measurable targets.
And I was lacking in engagement on my YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram channels.
It is so important that you analyse and manage your numbers.
- 1000 subscribers – Achieved 30%
- 4000 watch hours / 240000 watch minutes – Achieved 38%
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lois_wagner_/ Objective: 1000 followers – achieved 60%
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/www.walkingwithoutskin Objective: 2000 likes – achieved 28%
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Coachingconversationsforchange Objective: 4000 likes – achieved 53%
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lois-wagner-coach/ Objective: 5000 connections – Achieved 81%
I focused on my true calling and purpose – my aspiration.
That of giving back and helping you move from victim to survivor to thriver and beyond to freedom after facing a life or business challenge or adversity.
All my work has been focused on building your resilience and grit, developing a growth mindset, energising your mojo, and learning to forgive.
It is essential that you celebrate ALL your successes, all your milestones, all your achievements, big and small.
I was honoured with a place on the Brainz 500 Global list of 2020 ‘s Honorees.
This is a list of 500 Entrepreneurs, Influential Leaders and Business Owners recognised for their entrepreneurial success, achievements, or dedication to help others.
Famous people in this list included:
I was honoured as a Human Rights Influencer for the month of March by the Institute for Justice and Reconciliation
“We love celebrating the work that fellow South Africans are doing to promote human rights. See here what Lois Wagner says makes her a #HumanRightsInfluencer!”
I was awarded Xtraordinary Woman of the Month for April
In addition, I created my Be BRAVE programme. This was set with SMART goals, and these goals were not achieved.
My greatest disappointments of 2020 were:
- Not travelling and speaking on world stages in person
- Not achieving the numbers and viewership of my virtual presentations
- Not achieving the sales and reviews of my book
What could I have done differently to achieve these?
To answer this, I will need to do some market research to find out where my content, marketing, and positioning missed the mark.
My greatest highlights of 2020 were all those activities mentioned above.
And I celebrated every tiny step on the way.
Going back to 20/20 or 6/6 vision.
The first number is the distance from the chart and the second number is the distance that an average person with normal eyesight can read the chart.
This means that if you have better than average eyesight you may have 20/15 (6/4,6) vision which is sharper than average. In other words, at 20 feet (6 meters) you can see a smaller line than the person with normal eyesight.
My goal for 2021 is to have 20/10 – 20/18 vision (2010 to 2018 were great years for me).
And I need to set my new Dreams, Aspirations, Goals, Intentions, and Actions.
To turn all my achievements of 2020 into a viable business where I can support others to follow their journeys to reach their desired destinations.
Contact me to set your
Dreams, Aspirations, Goals, Intentions, and Actions for 2021
Differences and differentiation between Dreams, Aspirations, Goals, Intentions, and Actions
- A thought
- An idea or image
- Who you want to be
- Your vision
- What you need to do to get there
- Your mission
- A predicted state of affairs
- Your mission
- Living your values
- Your inner relationship with yourself and others
- The journey
- Present based
- Lived daily
- Acted on daily
- May not be realistic
- Ambition or hope
- A desired result or aim
- Ardent desire
- Object or outcome of the aspiration
- Objective / Target
- A decision to act
- The end towards which your intention will be directed
- A commitment to achieving your goal
- Course of action
- Plan to do it
- Feelings based
- Excites you
- Focus on how you want to be in the moment
- Mental thought and activity based
- Planning based
- The driving force
- Be present
- Be mindful
- Celebrate every small achievement or success
- Motivates and inspires you to act
- No specific timeline
- SMART objectives
- Time based
- Drawing a road map / blueprint
Contact me to set your
Dreams, Aspirations, Goals, Intentions, and Actions for 2021
by Lois Wagner | May 23, 2020 | Information
My book as a Cocktail
My journal, started on the night of 30 December 1995, was supposed to become a book 25 years ago.
It was powerful, meaningful, and addressed a topic not spoken about then.
It was raw and revealing.
Authentic and vulnerable.
But it drifted.
And after writing for eleven long years, it started dying.
And inside of me.
In 2009 I entered a competition and was not even given feedback.
The story died.
The story reached an unexpected, dramatic, and liberating climax four months later.
But even now that I had the perfect conclusion, the perfect ending to my story, I had lost all desire to publish.
Half-hearted attempts to resurrect it several times lead to nothing.
Now in 2020, I have started telling my story in various formats. Short stories, public talks and presentations, training and coaching, summits, and webinars.
I joined the course “Connecting to your creativity and innovation centre” with Lesley Callow.
We had to select any project that we were working on that we had not managed to do or complete.
I chose my book.
Our first exercise was to write a mission statement for our projects together with a few action points.
This part was easy for me as I have been deliberating on this for 25 years.
Walking Without Skin
From Fear to Forgiveness to Freedom
Is a bestselling book worldwide
I have written my book journalling my personal story that supports women who have experienced sexual trauma and inspires them to move from victim to survivor to thriver and beyond.
My book is used as the basis for keynote talks, individual coaching, and group coaching.
I will leave the actions out for now.
Our next exercise was to develop creative thinking.
We had to create a cocktail by answering a series of questions. After that we had to transfer the answers to our projects and then answer the same questions but relating them directly to our projects.
In following this process, I realised just how deep this book was inside of my very being.
I decided the clientele for my cocktail would be omniverts, people see-sawing between quietness and boldness. When it came to describing the readers of my book, it hit me – they would be people who were initially quiet as they struggled with the trauma and then becoming bolder and stronger as they began their healing journey and started to thrive and find freedom – omniverts!
Both my cocktail and my book would be pink and purple with swirls, tall and elegantly presented.
My colour scheme has been shades of pink and purple ever since my darling sister painted this portrayal of me around 1999 and I came up with the concept of the name for the book in 2009.
My cocktail would have a slight bitter/sweet taste and would be refreshing.
Mmm! Sounds like my book. The bitterness and sadness of the trauma and then experiencing the revitalisation and upliftment in my conclusion.
My cocktail would be sipped on throughout the day.
In the same way my book, because I was designing it as part story and part lessons learned, would encourage people to dip in and out of it based on the particular point in their journey.
Naming the cocktail was pretty standard, Purple Rain or Purple People Eater, and naming the book was a given – Walking Without Skin.
But this got me thinking.
A few weeks after I was raped, I had a “happy place” party to reclaim the space where I was attacked. Friends made a vicious cocktail called “Lois’s revenge”. So maybe this should be the name of my pink and purple creation? Of my book?
And then the ideas came tumbling out.
- Maybe change my cover visual to that of a cocktail
- Maybe change the name of the book
- Die-cut the book in the shape of a cocktail glass
- Create a launch cocktail
- Get readers to name the cocktail
- Hold a competition where readers create a cocktail
- Print cocktail recipes in the book
Okay – we have been on lockdown with no alcohol for two months now…
Anyway – many other ideas along different lines then emerged and re-emerged from all those years ago. Ideas that I will revisit as I finally complete this lifelong project.
I am so excited as I fly free from the fear of finishing.
by Lois Wagner | Nov 27, 2019 | Information
Why do you hug?
What is the meaning or intent behind a hug?
Do you hug as a greeting? Is it a sign of affection or love? Are hugs an expression of friendship, or of consolation and comfort? Some people may hug just because it feels good. In some cases, it may be a habit, something you have always done. Something you were taught to do as a child. Sometimes hugs are an expression of appreciation or congratulations. You may turn an attempted kiss that you are wanting to avoid into a hug. It may be as a form of connection, a way to feel close. You may just feel starved for touch and feel this is the only way to get that physical connection.
Some people do not like hugs.
Not everyone is comfortable with hugging. They may not understand why you are hugging them, and the hug may convey a message that is different from the intent it in which it was given, and they do not understand. It may just be the way they were raised.
- There are health risks, or they could be germophobe, having an extreme fear of germs
- It could just be “my space” thing. They may feel threatened or vulnerable
- If there is no real meaning behind the hug, if it is merely a form of greeting or a habit, why do it?
- The hug may feel like an obligation, something you must do because it is expected of you
- People may be afraid of legal action, especially with the “Me-Too” movement
- Some people may see hugging as a form of harassment
- Hugs could lead to arousal or more unwanted intimacy
- They may lack self-esteem or self-confidence or suffer from social anxiety
- Some people may have body issues or just be touch avoidant
- A person may have been a victim of abuse and a hug brings back unwanted and unpleasant memories
- There may be cultural reasons to avoid hugging
The benefits of hugging:
Scientific studies and research have shown that regular hugs can have a positive effect on your life, on your brain, and on your body.
- When you hug, oxytocin, the “love or cuddle” hormone, gives your emotions a positive boost and makes you feel happy and can lighten your mood
- Hugs can comfort a person grieving or going through a tough or unpleasant experience in life. It shows them that they are supported
- Hugs can lower your blood pressure,
- Hugs can lower your cortisol, and norepinephrine, the “stress” chemicals and increases serotonin, the body’s natural antidepressant
- There is evidence that suggests that the stress-reducing effects of hugging might make you heathier and reduce illness. It reduces the risk to catch a cold.
- Hugs improve your quality of sleep
- Hugs may even help reduce pain
- Hugs are a form of communication and social support and can give you a sense of belonging, especially if you have been feeling isolated or lonely
What makes a good hug?
When you give or receive hugs that are done the right way, with the right intent, you will experience the many benefits. Done the wrong way you could be left feeling awkward and uncomfortable and it may even lead to a slap in the face. There are several types of hugs depending on the situation and relationship so there is not really one good rule on how to hug. The type of hug will also depend on who you are hugging and the relationship you have with that person, and the reason you are hugging that person. Do not confuse a hug with a passionate embrace. Here are some basic rules for hugging etiquette:
- Know your intention for the hug
- Make eye contact
- Open your arms and wait for a cue
- Note the body language before going in for the hug. See if you can gauge their level of acceptance or avoidance. React accordingly and don’t force it
- Respect the other person’s space
- Get permission before you hug someone. This is not always required depending on your relationship. Ask them if necessary
- The hug should last for at least 20 seconds to get all the benefits. The time, however, will depend on the intention. The hug could last from 3-20 seconds
- You should not pat the person, they are not a pet, you should just hold them
- Do not smother them
- Do not squeeze them too tightly
- Do not press your body into theirs or touch any private parts
- Do not breathe heavily into their ear
How many hugs do we need?
Science and literature suggest that we hug eight hugs a day (four for survival, eight for maintenance and twelve for growth. Eight hugs at 20 seconds each is 2.7 minutes of hugging each day. Totally doable.
To feel better about yourself, to improve your health and well-being, and to support those around you…HUG.
And maybe you hug because you just do not have the right words so convey your feelings.
by Lois Wagner | Jul 20, 2018 | Information
My colleague always says to me before going on a holiday adventure “Don’t come back broken”.
I have a reputation for having accidents or falling over when I travel and my trip to Abisco in Sweden was no exception. Dog mushing along a frozen lake, the route smooth and straight, I lost my balance and fell off the sled. And captured it all on my GoPro…
During the briefing, we were told that whatever happens, we must never lose a grip on the sled. We were told that if we fall off the dogs will run. And keep on running, and we would have to walk back. I managed to maintain a hold on the sled and our guide ran back to secure the sled and the dogs. I was both embarrassed and terrified and did not wish to continue. We were in the middle of an enormous frozen lake and there was no other way out but to get back on the sled and mush the dogs.
So upwards and onwards I went.
And so grateful that I did. The rest of the journey was mesmerisingly beautiful – riding through a dense forest with snow-laden trees. It was exhilarating, as I built my confidence, driving at speed up and down hills and around corners.
Never give up and stay on the path!
Of course – I had to fall off – on the flat and straight bit and going so slowly.
Posted by Lois Wagner on Saturday, 15 February 2014
by Lois Wagner | Jun 17, 2018 | Information
Nesting Yurts – purchased in Kyrgyzstan – Similar to the Nesting Russian Dolls
The Blue Babushka
By Lois Wagner
7 February 1997
Life is like a Victorian Mystery Box, A Russian Doll
In searching for meaning and looking for soul
You open the lid to find another inside
Hoping the next layer will reveal your magical guide
The wind picks us and blows you in a certain direction
The purpose of has no meaning, no answer, no question
You have no place to hide to run – you’re trapped
As you get thrown about and your energy gets sapped
You vanish into that vast expansive unconsciousness
Vitality depletes into an infinite void of nothingness
But the greater orchestra instructs and compels
The design and pattern and even the form foretells
The future world appears and disappears
In a myriad of impulses that enhance the fears
You hide in the shadows and feel the heaviness
Punished by the raging storms of eternal darkness
To rebuild your life is incredibly hard
And I doubt that one ever finds the missing shard
Those shattered pieces, the crack that finally mends
With the loving help of supportive family and friends
The healing process is incredibly slow
And the tears will always continue to flow
The bruising lessons, they never go away
It’s all an illusion, an invisible delay
A small ray of hope – a radiation of light
Your dreams touch the sky both day and night
Wrapped in a ribbon and a blaze of swirling colour
A mirage, a vision, a trick of heart no other
You reach for that pinpoint of hope in the darkness
Fumbling out of the rigged and barren stillness
Fantasy taking on the weighty pain of reality
As you surface from the charades of conviviality
Then the reflection vanishes into darkness once again
You sink back into that dim despair, anguish and pain
At the peak of hysteria, the terrible distress
A sad pitiful reality of continued intense duress
Then and Now
2018 – and I am experiencing the exact same emotions and fears that I had while recovering from my rape ordeal and as expressed in my rhyme above. Only now it is about finding myself, at almost 64 years old, with no savings, no income, no job, no home and no country.
I have spent the last ten years in Oman in the Middle-East where I have had the most wonderful time. Being based here has afforded me the opportunity of visiting, other than my home country of South Africa, around 35 countries. I have met a multitude of interesting people and experienced many varied and fascinating cultures.
And it all came to a sudden and unexpected end.
This has left me, not only depressed, but in a state of panic, disorientation, hopelessness, and dread.
Depression saps your energy and makes it difficult to get going. Even doing the simplest things become a challenge and “snapping out of it” as suggested by well-meaning friends takes an enormous amount of effort.
Depression is more than just being blue.
Yes – we all get the blues from time to time. We feel sad, moody and a bit run-down, and feel averse to doing anything or participating in any activity.
Yes – we can “snap out of it” when we are facing some small issue or disappointment.
But when it is so intense that you feel totally hopeless and helpless and unable to face life’s struggles, it could be clinical depression.
Symptoms of clinical depression include all or some of the following: the inability to focus or concentrate (check); lack of energy all the time (check); tired and sleeping too much during the day (oh, so tired); unable to make decisions (check, check check); lack of interest in participating in social events (check); thoughts of suicide (only in passing); feeling of irritability and restlessness (check); feelings of emptiness and loneliness (check); lack of interest in doing pleasurable things (check); anxiousness and felling out of control (check); feelings of paranoia (check); panic attacks (check); uncontrolled crying (check);constant fidgeting (check);
I’m off to the doctor…
I love writing and putting this to paper has taken an enormous amount of effort.
I just completed an on-line assessment and the results are high – advising me to seek immediate professional help.
So that is what I am going to do…